Already got asked if we're dating
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
