Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
