So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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