you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
