im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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