how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
