woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
