id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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