YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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