He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
