I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
