I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
