so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
