Farmville is her only friend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
