I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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