At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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