What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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