Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
