laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
