Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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