got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
