i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
