HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
