Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
