I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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