the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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