he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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