I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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