You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
