there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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