people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
