I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
