mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
