I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
