"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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