He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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