yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
