just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
