he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
