my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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