It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
