too bad you live with your parents still
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
