Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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