this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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