I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
