omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize