Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
