I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this hospital has no fireball
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
