SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
