I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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